Hello, March!

Happy Mardi Gras, everyone!

I am having some serious Mardi Gras woes.  I think I should be sipping on a Bloody Mary right now instead of discussing nonprofits in class (as evidenced by my tweet below). Know what I mean?

I am SO glad to say goodbye to February, it was an all-around struggle of a month for me.  I realize things could always be worse, but it was definitely a month of personal growth in more ways than one.  So I say goodbye to February and goodbye to the things that you can only learn with time.

My heart is so full with a desire to be back in the south.  I miss Louisiana, especially today.  The people, the culture, the doing of all things a little bit slower...because good times sure do go by way too fast.

I'll be home in the sunny RGV in the next few days, and my goal is to feed my soul and heal my heart.  I want to feel more like myself and that involves a lot of family and a lot of sun.  It will all begin tomorrow night with a concert to Amos Lee.  Here is one of my favorites from his new album, Mountains of Sorrow Rivers of Song "Chill in the Air"

Current thoughts:

• A haircut is coming up, I will be going short, short, short. In late April/early May.  I need to wait for the weather to warm up around here before getting rid of these locks keeping me warm.
• The second largest Mardi Gras (technically Samedi Gras) in STL is only maybe a quarter the size of real Mardi Gras
• I'm on the search for Strawberry Abita, if you stock up, please send some my way!
• Is it possible to find a good crawfish boil around here?
• While I miss Louisiana, I am torn at something calling me back home to Texas, to work with the population I know best
• I hope that "12 Years a Slave" winning Picture of the Year draws more people to read Solomon Northup's story

I leave you all with a poem that I will not translate, by one of my favorite's, Jorge Luis Borges. 

"Después de un tiempo uno aprende la sutil diferencia entre sostener una mano y encadenar el alma.

Y uno aprende que el amor no significa acostarse y una compañía no significa seguridad y uno empieza a aprender...

Que los besos no son contratos y los regalos no son promesas, y uno empieza a aceptar sus derrotas con la cabeza alta y los ojos abiertos.

Y uno aprende a construir todos sus caminos en el hoy, porque el terreno de mañana es demasiado inseguro para planes... y los futuros tienen una forma de caerse en la mitad.

Y después de un tiempo uno aprende que si es demasiado, hasta el calor del sol quema.

Así que uno planta su propio jardín y decora su propia alma, en lugar de esperar a que alguien le traiga flores.

Y uno aprende que realmente puede aguantar, que uno realmente es fuerte, que uno realmente vale, y uno aprende y aprende... y con cada día uno aprende.

Con el tiempo aprendes que estar con alguien porque te ofrece un buen futuro significa que tarde o temprano querrás volver a tu pasado.

Con el tiempo comprendes que sólo quien es capaz de quererte con tus defectos, sin pretender cambiarte, puede brindarte toda la felicidad que deseas.

Con el tiempo te das cuenta de que si estás al lado de esa persona sólo por acompañar tu soledad, irremediablemente acabarás deseando no volver a verla.

Con el tiempo entiendes que los verdaderos amigos son contados, y que el que no lucha por ellos tarde o temprano se verá rodeado sólo de amistades falsas.

Con el tiempo aprendes que las palabras dichas en un momento de ira pueden seguir lastimando a quien heriste, durante toda la vida.

Con el tiempo aprendes que disculpar cualquiera lo hace, pero perdonar es sólo de almas grandes.

Con el tiempo comprendes que si has herido a un amigo duramente, muy probablemente la amistad jamás volverá a ser igual.

Con el tiempo te das cuenta que aunque seas feliz con tus amigos, algún día llorarás por aquellos que dejaste ir.

Con el tiempo te das cuenta de que cada experiencia vivida con cada persona es irrepetible.

Con el tiempo te das cuenta de que el que humilla o desprecia a un ser humano, tarde o temprano sufrirá las mismas humillaciones o desprecios, multiplicados al cuadrado.

Con el tiempo comprendes que apresurar las cosas o forzarlas a que pasen ocasionará que al final no sean como esperabas.

Con el tiempo te das cuenta de que en realidad lo mejor no era el futuro, sino el momento que estabas viviendo justo en ese instante.

Con el tiempo aprenderás que intentar perdonar o pedir perdón, decir que amas, decir que extrañas, decir que necesitas, decir que quieres ser amigo, ante una tumba, ya no tiene ningún sentido, ya es tarde, nunca dejes que algo te sea demasiado tarde.

Pero desafortunadamente, LO APRENDERÁS sólo con el tiempo..." 

* Note: I believe there's a translation available by Veronica A. Shoffstall *

Goodbye, January

Oh man, January has just flown by for me.  I'm ready for a new month.  February just breezes on by because it's so short.  I am certainly craving some warmer temperatures, although I wouldn't be surprised if we got some snowfall in February or even early March around here.

At least I have home to look forward to with warm and sunny temperatures in early March.

Here is what my January has consisted of:

My new internship at the St. Louis Mayor's Office in the Education sector (!).  Isn't City Hall absolutely stunning?

Welcoming this cutie to St. Louis! Thanks for visiting, Lisa. 

Finally making it to the top of the Gateway Arch in STL.  It was beautiful.

Feeling like a kid and loving it at City Museum

Feeling thankful for views like this

...and this

Visiting the Missouri State Capitol 

Final thoughts:

• If you know anyone in Texas connected to an education advocacy and/or policy organization please shoot me an e-mail or drop me a comment.  I am interested in connecting! 
• I think some of these 2014 goals have been going well, especially the having more fun portion :)
• Also, the networking goal...already met my goal for networking in January, go me!
• If you have any good song or album recommendations please comment.

Transitions // Dignity // Forgiveness

I'm getting SO excited as the summer comes to a close.  I remember getting anxiety, sadness, nostalgia, and about a thousand other not so great feelings last year and the year before that around this time.  It truly makes me thankful and eternally grateful for where my life is going.  I am attempting to appreciate every day and the little things that come with preparing for my new journey to St. Louis.

More than anything I'm excited to start my new part-time job as a graduate fellow with the office of Residential Life.  I've always loved mentoring others and working with young adults.  The excitement of starting college as a freshman is contagious and I cannot wait to share it with incoming students at Washington University.  Second, I just LOVE the program I have enrolled in and it excites me that my hands-on learning begins in the spring semester.  I have the ability to customize my own program based on my future career goals, which if I haven't talked about are rural education and non-profit management.  I also plan to explore the idea of school social work.  The possibilities are endless...

On a different note and a little something more personal I'd like to touch base on apologies.  I think those of us that are most prideful (I am guilty of this) understand that apologizing is hard to do.  A good apology, one that comes from the heart, swallowing that pride, whether a year or five years after should always be appreciated.  Sometimes people don't realize they need to apologize and sometimes it takes time for that apology to be honest.  In my eyes, a genuine apology deserves forgiveness, and forgiveness requires vulnerability and grace.

I am referring to all of this here because recently someone that I used to know reached out to me for reconnection and most importantly with a much needed apology.  I almost considered not opening the e-mail and simply deleting it, but after reading it I was thankful and am eternally grateful for that apology.  I think it was the apology that gave that chapter in my life the closure that was necessary.  The reconnection however, is something I cannot do.  The reconnection is not about a lack of forgiveness or about pride, but about dignity.  Six months ago, or even eight months ago I may have considered accepting reconnection out of politeness.  I have realized, however, that for my own mental health and self-respect I choose to not reconnect.  To this person: thank you, sincerely, for the apology, and I hope you can respect my decision.  

Unpacking // Nostalgia

I have always hated unpacking, okay who really likes doing this awful chore anyway (don't answer that)?  But really, I am the person who will literally take weeks before unpacking a suitcase.  Now, packing, I'm quite a champ at, but when it comes to unloading suitcases I need to be forced after three weeks of it sitting (just ask my roommates).  I have attempted to get into the habit of immediately unpacking within thirty minutes of arriving so that I am not putting it off like the slacker I am. Has not been entirely successful yet.

My procrastination when it comes to unpacking is probably why it did not surprise me one bit when I also put off to metaphorically unpack the emotions in my life.  If I reflect back on the past two years, a LOT has happened.  I am a completely different me than I was May of 2011.  One of my best friends pointed out to me that it's that time, time to unpack, partly because new chapters are unfolding in my life, risks are being taken, and he deserves someone who travels light.  Someone who has washed the crinkled up clothes that have been sitting there for entirely too long, maybe even throw some out because they have gone out of style.

So, here I am as I unpack the past two years of my life, with vulnerability and no hesitations.

Currently - I am relaxing at home, in the Rio Grande Valley, spending time with my family.  It is absolute bliss not having a care in the world (well, sort of).  I am taking time for myself, recharging, appreciating myself.  Current schedule: wake up, read, run errands (if any), gym, read, eat, repeat.  No regrets because I know it will be busy, busy, busy come August when school starts for me.

Louisiana - you can read more about my feelings about teaching here, but my time in Louisiana ended up being a true blessing.  I have a little cajun in my soul and I would not change the past two years of my life for anything.

Mon sha - the current man in my life.  He was unexpected, like I met you once and mindlessly flirted landing my friends and I with a little something extra.  As in, I went out with you thinking it would be a one time thing, a one week thing, a just-til-I-leave-in-May thing.  I am not sure about a lot of things with him, but he makes sense right now.  We are completely different, he likes black, I like white.  He prefers classic rock and roll to my favorite Jason Aldean country song.  I drink beer, he drinks....something else (ha!).  He is nothing like anyone I have ever met in Louisiana, and that might be my favorite part.  He's loyal, and kind, he's respectful, and means what he says.  He has strong opinions, but is always willing to listen to the opinion of others.  We are learning about each other, and I will keep y'all posted on how the test goes.

May 2011 - May 2012 - this was byfar the most difficult period in my life early twenties.  I not only transitioned out of college and into the "real world", which was extremely scary, but I also moved to a new state and started one of the most difficult and underrated jobs someone can have in our country.  I was dating someone pretty seriously at the time.  Let me define "pretty serious", I thought that we would be engaged by December 2013 and Married by the end of 2014 (wtf?! GTFO?! I know....).  Anyway, this person, although I was in love at the time, added a lot of good things to my life and I learned many things.  Among many things he taught me patience, to listen, to be selfless, and overall more sensitive to the needs of others.  However, instead of growing into a person I loved, sadly I closed off to others, especially my best friends.  Instead of becoming a better version of myself I began asking myself what I did wrong and how I could better myself for him, because he never made me feel good enough.  Frankly, I was never that attracted to him physically (but still blinded by love), though he was to me.  I could never "give" him what he needed, and though I tried and tried and tried, it never appeared to be enough.  I gave, and gave, and gave, and gave, and gave, and really and truly I was drained.  Things about me that were never an issue at the start of the relationship turned into LIFE issues at the end of it.  Instead of giving the selfless support I needed when my life got so tough I almost  quit everything I had worked for and moved back to Texas, he sunk me down.  To this day it overwhelms my chest with anxiety to think of the person I had become.  I was not myself, I was not happy, I was not light and sunny, I felt heavy and drained at the same time.

I went through a period of pure abstinence from men/dating/love, I was enjoying being single and learning to be me by myself and loving who I had always been.  Somehow sometime between Seattle and the beginning of 2013 I learned to become lighter than I've ever been.  I opened up a side of me I never have before.  I did it with my students, so why shouldn't I do it in real life?  Things that used to bother me as much just didn't, I became more vulnerable and open to love and new things.  I told myself I would never again let a relationship get in the way of friendships, I would protect my heart, but without a fear to let others in.  It's a process in the making, just ask my best friends :)

Now, commitment is something I have to work through.  I'm talking long-term commitments.  This is a fear I will talk about next time....

I am emotionally exhausted, as I'm sure you are too if you're still reading this.  Off to paint my nails something other than "Cajun Shrimp" ;)

Tomorrow is Fashion Friday because I slacked on What I Wore Wednesday.

If you've been with me this entire time, have you seen me grow through this blog? 

An Ode to Louisiana

Ma chère Louisiane,

Though I have hated you at times when my life was crumbling, I now cannot seem to get you out of my skin.  You are permanently engrained in me.  Your culture, your accents, your ways.  My two years spent amidst your bayous and swamplands have put a little cajun in my soul.  The start of October will always have a certain ring with the voices of my first students excited for the opening of squirrel season.

Spring Bayou at Twilight

Summer 2011

Louisiane, your food has taught me that I must have been a cajun in a past life.  Cracklin's, etouffees, gumbos, and understanding that rice and gravy is not as literal as it sounds.  Your beer has been good to me, and your seasonal Abita Strawberry makes me as excited as Texas' Shiner Cheer at Christmas time.   Your love for a good time has given new meaning to parades and festivals, for you like to throw one for any and EVERY occasion.

I will miss the ability to purchase hard liquor at my local convenience store, though I never found the need for it, I liked knowing it was a possibility.  Or purchasing an adult slushy (aka: daiquiri) after a hard day, and never being carded at bars though we both know I look twelve.

The love obsession for college football, like I've never seen before.  The start of Mardi Gras season and days off from work to assure a time well spent.  I will miss these things.  Zydeco, and it's reminders of home with the accordion and traditional dance.

The cajun french, I fell in love, mostly because I could understand.  Maybe it was my background in Spanish, or my background in French, either way I was connected.  From catin (not a prostitute in Louisiane), to couillon for fools, or referring to kitty cats as minou minou's.  Fais do do to bed, canaille,   de's instead of the's and ax instead of ask, chiren for the kids, coo! when excited, IF! to affirm something,

Louisiane, I will miss your lack of prepositions, your questions sounding like statements, and as many Brouillettes, Couvillions, Gauthiers, Gaspards, Thibodeauxs, Lemoines, DeSotos, Dauzats, Dauzarts as there are Smiths, Jacksons, Johnsons, Garcias, or Rodriguez.

But most of all I am going to miss the people who have touched my soul.  To every student I had the honor of teaching, I am sorry I was not always the best, but I am grateful for the opportunity to teach you.  I am thankful for the opportunity to help shape you into a better version of yourself.  I am sorry if I you caught me in a frustrated state or if you were never told how much I cared.  I am going to miss those who made Louisiana welcoming, perfect, and a place I will always call my home.

Let the good times roll, but do it slowly.

This is not auvoir it is à plus tard.  You are my second home, you have a piece of my heart, and I'll be seeing you.

Cheers to good things that are going to happen...

Whaley // Solidarity // Intentions

My favorite spot these days

Let's talk about how much time I have spent on my front porch since 3:30pm yesterday, or rather since this past week.  My front porch has become a place of solidarity for me.  A place for deep thoughts, for rejuvenation after a long day at work, for remembering to enjoy the simple things, the small things, the little pleasures that a stressful and hectic job can make you take for granted.  I will miss this Louisiana town so much in a few months.  This chapter of my life is ending and a new one is beginning in less than six months.  Wherever I go, this front porch will be reminisced.

I would just like to preface this post by saying that my intentions are not to devalue men or women in their mid-twenties to early thirties, but to simply express some current observations and thoughts.

Lately my girlfriends and I have been discussing relationships, both old and current and I feel that many women in their twenties feel jaded towards men.  I cannot speak for men, maybe they too feel jaded towards women.  I have taken a slight noticing that many men do not seem to mature or as we, the women say, "grow up."  I would hate to say this is only one gender, I am just speaking from a woman's point of view.  It could possibly be that there are two extremes of people once we reach a certain post-adolescent age.  One group being the group of individuals with mature thoughts, those that understand and acknowledge how to interact with the opposite sex fully.  Courtship, dating, and not afraid of being "real" with other people.  Providing clarity, communicating, and being courteous.  If you are not interested in talking to someone anymore, tell them that.  If you are not interested in dating someone, communicate that.  If you are interested in someone, communicate your intentions to them.  As humans, we (both sexes), want to understand the causes and effects of our interpersonal relationships.  It is becoming more and more socially acceptable to simply allow ourselves to be ignored and to accept that and with time to let it go.  I think this stems from a fear of rejection, both of rejecting someone else or of  being the receiver of rejection.  Easier said than done, right?

Thoughts on the above? 

On a less serious note, here are some happenings from my week:

Beer on a Tuesday Night

Wine Down Wednesdays  

 Senior Class Ring Ceremony! Class of 2014

Eating like a true Louisiana girl, with the right reading material ;)

If you are one of my close friends, you may be receiving the post card below :)
I love whales.

The Corners of Your Mouth

Guess what?! One guess...

I feel so blessed, thankful, grateful, and truly humbled that the University of Washington in Seattle has accepted me to their MSW program.  I have neither accepted nor denied either offer.  Both schools are incredible, and I am in the middle of making pro/con lists.  St. Louis is looking pretty good right now, but ideally I would LOVE to live in Seattle.  I can't say the same about St. Louis because I've never been, but we'll see come April when I go visit.  

Friday I should know something about a possible scholarship to WashU in St. Louis, and hopefully I will be awarded something.  Keep your fingers crossed for me, send prayers/good vibes my way.

I am currently sitting in Brew Ha-Ha in Baton Rouge listening to an Open Mic night.  Tomorrow I don't have to go to work (YAY!).  Instead I am attending an excellent school visit in New Orleans.  I am excited to see what a well-functioning school looks like. A school that fully supports their staff and students, and a school structure that doesn't have the issues of most schools in our rural parishes.  I will miss my kids tomorrow, but who doesn't love a four day week, right?

Life is busy, busy, and full of things to do lately.  That's a good thing, most days...I keep toying with the idea of staying in Avoyelles next year, but deep down I know that's not where my heart is leading me.  I love the kids I teach to death, and if I continue my life elsewhere I am very excited to return next year for the graduating class of 2014.  Most of the kids I taught last year and this year are graduating next May.  I already have some asking me about coming back for their graduation.  The answer is, "ABSOLUTELY!"  I will shed tears of sadness and tears of joy.

Other updates:

- I went to my first crawfish boil this past Friday(!)
- I may or may not have met someone who is worth talking to and spending time with(!!)
- I will be spending some days in Austin the week before Easter! Let me know if you'd like to meet up, more than likely I'd love to see you ;)

-

Ain't it true...

Drunk on Life

Remember this, guys? Well, let's recap a bit:

Personal Goals

• Go on a blind date
• Ask someone out on a date, because who says I can't go after what I want?

Check, and check.  Well, almost.  I am not wasting any time at all.  I am officially on the dating scene, I have never been the "dating" girl, but it's a new year and I decided that it's time to start dating.  So, I asked someone out, and I will also be going on a blind date this Tuesday.  

I know the blind date is the most intriguing story.  I have this past student who is a great kid, he's also very tech savvy.  Said student e-mails me towards the end of last semester informing me that his dad's friend was interested in taking me out.  My student prefaced all this by saying that he felt out of place telling me.  Awkwardness aside, I asked my student the infinite question, "How in the world does this 'friend' of your dad's even know who I am?"  Apparently back in September or October when my student ran into me at Wal-Mart as I was in my gym clothes and running shoes this person was also with him.  I only saw my student of course and cut the conversation as short as possible given my appearance.  According to my student he could not stop asking about me since.  Intrigued? Me too. I sure was flattered.  To wrap this up for y'all I will just say that I immediately left my student out of it and I made the executive decision to pursue this potential blind date.  This blind date has offered to make me dinner, but considering it is blind I changed its direction to meeting up for a drink at a local and neutral location.  In the words of Shoshanna from Girls, you've got to meet in a public place in case he turns out to be a rapist.  

It's fun, it's exciting, and it's definitely keeping my life interesting so I will keep y'all posted on the outcome of this date.  If anything I have a new friend, right? 

This weekend:

• I saw Zero Dark Thirty and it kept me on the edge of my seat the ENTIRE time. 
• I ran into every student and their mom (literally) on a rainy day outing
• Said bon voyage to our dear Matt. 
• Most importantly, in the words of a friend, I got drunk on LIFE. 

Don't forget to watch the premiere of Girls if you didn't.  I have to wait to watch it on HBOGo tomorrow night.  Please don't give away any spoilers! 

Goals for 2013

I've been thinking about goals and resolutions.  I like goal-setting, it makes me feel accountable to myself.  I feel really good about 2013 for three minor reasons:

1. Odd numbers are my favorite
2. The number thirteen has a history of good things in my family
3. There will be lots of change happening this year, and I embrace change

Personal Goals

• Go on a blind date
• Ask someone out on a date, because who says I can't go after what I want?
• Find a more unified theme for my blog, and increase my viewing audience
• Go on at least four brewery tours by the end of the year
• Ride a hot air balloon
• Send birthday packages/care packages/cards to show I love my family and friends 
• Buy all Christmas gifts by the end of November
• Send out Christmas cards by the first week of December
• Make a habit out of reading CNN, just like I read blogs/social media sites
• Every time I open social media I have to open CNN or another news source
• Minimizing all meat intake to once a week
• Go ALL OUT for holidays (Valentine's, St. Patrick's Day, Easter, Fourth of July, Mardi Gras)
• Travel abroad at least once this year 
• Travel to NYC, New Orleans, Dallas (for you, Sarah), Boston, Seattle, and Santa Fe
• Take another road trip across the country
• See more of my best friends (in person)
• Go to at least one concert

Physical Goals

• Continue to improve my yoga practice, and master at least two more headstands, including variations of dolphin and scorpion
• Join a yoga studio by the end of September 2013
• Join a gym with spinning classes by the end of September 2013 and join
• Find a team sport/ book club (not physical, but still) / beer tasting club or other group the join by October 2013

Professional Goals

• If accepted to a graduate program I want to choose one that will help achieve my long-term professional goals
• Apply to work at Teach For America's Summer Institute to gain professional development and better improve my management skills and leading a group of people towards success.
• Give my students a purpose every day for why they are in my classroom, with a goal-driven mindset until they exit in May 2013
• Mentor at minimum two more students individually on their life goals
• Set up a field trip for my Spanish I & Spanish II students by end of March 2013
• Make sure I am always doing something to work for social justice, whether that is volunteering somewhere new, helping individuals, or donating to a cause.

This list is definitely subject to change and I will probably add to it.  So much to accomplish, but it's a long year.  Among all these goals I want to create more.  The world is my canvas...

I'll show you how it turns out in 2013 ;)

What about you, share one thing you'd like to accomplish in 2013?

Pieces of me // Merry Go Round

Life is moving fast.  The transition back to Louisiana was hard.  It was so hard that I had anxiety going back to work a week ago.  No worries, I'm good now :)

Beautiful Yoga Ornament

The month of December will be so busy and I can already tell.  Just in the past week I have attended two Christmas parties, graded at school twice, and have not stopped planning for what's left of my time with my current students.  I get new students next semester so we have to finish off the semester strong.

Christmas Party with a lovely girl! 

I've been practicing my fishtailing

I'm ready to be home for the holidays, but for now I'm trying to enjoy my time here in Louisiana with my roommates and with the community members.  The University of Washington application is officially due tomorrow, even though I turned in my application a few weeks back.

Tonight, I'd like to reflect on two things.  I've been full of thoughts lately, and I think a lot of these thoughts have to do with the year 2012 coming to a close.  I have great feelings about 2013, I cannot even begin to describe them yet.  There's a song, that wraps up how I feel about my experience here in Louisiana.  The song describes a lot of the culture that is a small town, and that is the life of many of those whose lives I am encountered with regularly.  For those that have not visited me in Louisiana and have yet to experience this part of my life, I hope this gives you some insight.

Second, I''m back on a Grey's Anatomy kick and lately I've been watching season six.  There's a scene where Christina Yang's character is describing her last relationship with her current boyfriend.  Her current boyfriend is attempting to understand why she won't let him in, she won't let him love her the way that he wants to.  What she says at this point resonated with me so much...it got me thinking, and made me aware of something.  I have to make myself be fully vulnerable with my next relationship, regardless of what happened in my last one.  I have to trust, I have to let that person in, and if I cannot cross a boundary I must allow myself to justify that with my past.  Because that past and those pieces that were once broken are what have made me who I am, and they are what make us human and teach us how to love better.  They are what make our hearts grow bigger.  Here's the excerpt:

Dr. Cristina Yang: Burke was... he took something from me. He took little pieces of me - little pieces over time, so small I didn't even notice, you know He wanted me to be something I wasn't, and I made myself into what he wanted. One day I was me, Cristina Yang, and then suddenly I was lying for him, and jeopardizing my career, and agreeing to be married and wearing a ring, and being a bride. Until I was standing there in a wedding dress with no eyebrows, and I wasn't Cristina Yang anymore. And even then, I would've married him. I would have. I lost myself for a long time, and now that I'm finally me again, I can't. I love you. I love you more than I loved Burke. I love you. And that scares the crap out of me, because when you asked me to ignore Teddy's page, you took a piece of me, and I let you. And that will never happen again.

Real

It has been an absolutely blissful Veteran's Day weekend.  I am so thankful for the extra day I had to relax this weekend.

I've been full of intense thoughts.  So intense it's hard to keep them straight.  I'm also ready to go home to Texas for awhile.  I'm just ready for a vacation.  My road trip to Texas on Friday will be the start of pure relaxation for me. At least for a week.  My graduate school application WILL be submitted from the place I call home, the Rio Grande Valley.  Right now, I've got everything together I'm just doing some final edits on my essays, getting some different people to do some final reviews.

Love has been on my mind a lot.  You could say that for the past six months love escaped me.  That sounds morbid and all sorts of dark and twisty that I do not mean to be.  I don't mean escape in the empty sense of the word, but just escape in that love and the idea of falling in love went away.  To take a break from my mind for awhile.  Love was always there and I still loved everything that encompassed the word and feelings that came with it.

But recently, love is on my mind again.  The possibility of falling in love again feels real to me.  It feels far away I may add, but it feels real. It's kind of a funny realization, and it almost sounds silly writing it down.  I almost want to kick myself and say, "well of course it was always real, and of course you will fall in love again" but it still won't change that for the past six months love and I gave each other some much needed space.  

Happenings from this weekend:

My first bon fire! 

First bon fire spent with great company

Delicious brunch!  

The beautiful view from the bath I took on my relaxing weekend out of town 

My roommate baking apple pie

Splurges at Marshall's

Steve Madden leather boots! 

Expect a post about this in the near future...

I love Young Adult fiction! 

What a steal! 

How was your weekend?

Any intense thoughts?

Suggestions on pushing through my week? 

Anyway

Perfect rainbow in Tacoma, Washington yesterday

Back in the south already my friends.  I sure miss Washington already, and I can only hope that a move there is in my future.  As I begin my week I would like to share some words that have been on my mind the past couple of days.  I heard this poem/prayer back in college and it inspires growth through risk taking.  I think that the fight for social justice requires courage and perseverance, and sometimes we need a little reminder to fight anyway.

People are often unreasonable,

illogical, and self-centered;

Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of

Selfish, ulterior motives;

Be kind anyway.

If you successful, you will win some

False friend and some true enemies;

Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank,

People may cheat you;

Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building,

Someone could destroy overnight;

Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness,

They may be jealous;

Be happy anyway.

The good you do today,

People will often forget tomorrow;

Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have,

And it may never be enough;

Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis,

It is between you and God;

It never was between you and them anyway.

- Mother Teresa of Calcutta - 

J-J-Jaded

Greetings from the beautiful and very chilly Pacific Northwest y'all.  I was told that my southern accent is revealed every now and then, who doesn't love a southern belle though, right?  Scratch that, I don't necessarily consider myself to be a southern belle.

I have spent a blessed time here with my dear friend Lisa.  We spent our Friday in Seattle meeting up with Teach For America with the UW-School of Social Work office of graduate admissions. Thank you, Lisa for putting up with my crazy adult-post-TFA meetings, you're a doll.  We had a great time going to a couple of consignment shops and making fun of how tiny the clothes are at American Apparel.  Can you believe some of the sizes wouldn't even fit an Olsen twin?!

On my mind lately (and I promise it's not the lack of sun out here in the state of Washington) is the word jaded.  Jaded in regard to romance I think we could say.  Let me just clarify and say that romance persé has definitely not been on my mind, but rather my indifference to it.  I would like to think that most people who are not in steady relationships whether married or unmarried have thoughts about romance.  Usually daydreaming about the romance you want in your life, of your ideal partner, your future partner, your soul mate (or whatever your choice of jargon is).  At least this was always the case for me.

Instead of these thoughts coming to me, I hit a wall when I consciously attempt to force myself to daydream about happily ever afters.  Today I named that wall: J-A-D-E-D.


jaded [ˈdʒeɪdɪd]

adj

1. exhausted or dissipated

2. satiated

jadedly  adv

jadedness  n

HA! Remember, that wonderful song?  Casting Aerosmith aside, I think I'm just jaded with the possibility of romance in my future.  That sounds awful, does it not?  I am definitely crazy about romance and love and all the roses and rainbows that come with it.  It's more of a feeling of too good to be true at this moment in time.  That's not quite right either, and it makes me sound cynical, which is also incorrect.  Now, I'm just contradicting myself.

Not very bright side of me? Except I do feel optimistic, it's just that my heart is just not as enthusiastic as my mind is.  They'll catch up with each other, don't worry ;)

Stay tuned for an update on the beer page as we tour some microbreweries in Seattle today! I made a friend who happens to appreciate a good craft beer, an important quality in my book!

Fun at Urban Outfitters

Really hoping to be a Husky next fall! 

In love with how apparent fall is in this state

So enamored

Crashing into a pile of leaves, check! 

Apothecary Bars are my new favorite thing

Experiencing the shops at the U

There are indoor trampoline parks for adults! 

Toe touching! 

Never grow up!