Sunday, December 2, 2012

Pieces of me // Merry Go Round

Life is moving fast.  The transition back to Louisiana was hard.  It was so hard that I had anxiety going back to work a week ago.  No worries, I'm good now :)

Beautiful Yoga Ornament
The month of December will be so busy and I can already tell.  Just in the past week I have attended two Christmas parties, graded at school twice, and have not stopped planning for what's left of my time with my current students.  I get new students next semester so we have to finish off the semester strong.
Christmas Party with a lovely girl! 
I've been practicing my fishtailing
I'm ready to be home for the holidays, but for now I'm trying to enjoy my time here in Louisiana with my roommates and with the community members.  The University of Washington application is officially due tomorrow, even though I turned in my application a few weeks back.

Tonight, I'd like to reflect on two things.  I've been full of thoughts lately, and I think a lot of these thoughts have to do with the year 2012 coming to a close.  I have great feelings about 2013, I cannot even begin to describe them yet.  There's a song, that wraps up how I feel about my experience here in Louisiana.  The song describes a lot of the culture that is a small town, and that is the life of many of those whose lives I am encountered with regularly.  For those that have not visited me in Louisiana and have yet to experience this part of my life, I hope this gives you some insight.

Second, I''m back on a Grey's Anatomy kick and lately I've been watching season six.  There's a scene where Christina Yang's character is describing her last relationship with her current boyfriend.  Her current boyfriend is attempting to understand why she won't let him in, she won't let him love her the way that he wants to.  What she says at this point resonated with me so got me thinking, and made me aware of something.  I have to make myself be fully vulnerable with my next relationship, regardless of what happened in my last one.  I have to trust, I have to let that person in, and if I cannot cross a boundary I must allow myself to justify that with my past.  Because that past and those pieces that were once broken are what have made me who I am, and they are what make us human and teach us how to love better.  They are what make our hearts grow bigger.  Here's the excerpt:

Dr. Cristina Yang: Burke was... he took something from me. He took little pieces of me - little pieces over time, so small I didn't even notice, you know He wanted me to be something I wasn't, and I made myself into what he wanted. One day I was me, Cristina Yang, and then suddenly I was lying for him, and jeopardizing my career, and agreeing to be married and wearing a ring, and being a bride. Until I was standing there in a wedding dress with no eyebrows, and I wasn't Cristina Yang anymore. And even then, I would've married him. I would have. I lost myself for a long time, and now that I'm finally me again, I can't. I love you. I love you more than I loved Burke. I love you. And that scares the crap out of me, because when you asked me to ignore Teddy's page, you took a piece of me, and I let you. And that will never happen again.

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