Thoughts from a Tuesday

It has been a gorgeous couple of days in STL lately.  The weather is in the mid 40s to low 50s and sunny, today has been pretty windy though.  After the snowpocalypse of last week and subzero temperatures, this is quite an improvement.  I am soaking it up as much as possible because I know it will soon be gone before it snows again.  I spent a couple of hours outside a coffee shop doing some work and enjoying the sun in my face.  For those of you reading from the south, I know you probably think I'm crazy and the midwest is already screwing up my perception of nice weather.  

Thoughts from this Tuesday: 

• My Book Club page has been updated with the last two recent books I read, check it out.

• The Fault in Our Stars (TFIOS) by John Green is a young adult (YA) book I read over my winter break.  YA books are my favorite genre because of how real they are with emotion.  There is a certain transparency and innocence that comes with the feeling and emotion expressed in YA novels, one much forgotten about in the adult world.  I like to remember that it is okay to be vulnerable and reading YA novels helps me do that.  TFIOS is beautifully written, I could not put it down and read it in about two days.  It was funny, real, and heartbreaking, all of which are quintessentially very YA.  I learned that this book is in the process of being made into a movie, in theaters everywhere summer of 2014.  

• I recently saw a great TEDx talk that I'd love to share with everyone.  This fellow sister is from my home state (Texas) and went to a university just a bit further south than my alma mater.  She has a very important message that I hope hits close to home for many, "What defines you?" 
• This song has been on my mind a lot lately

Happy Tuesday! 

A house is not a home until you unpack (everything)

Happy Friday everyone!

Since I officially started work on Monday, I am so glad the weekend is finally here.  On another end I'm a little nervous/excited to begin work with my students.  They arrive so soon, it's exciting, but scary at the same time.  I just want to be the best teacher I can for them this year and I want to be better than I was last year.

I am taking a little break from work as I finish my lunch.  We had three hours to spare due to bad timing with the school board. I need to be back at 1pm to finish organizing things for the first day of school.  I am almost, almost, almost ready.  I think.

Delicious Cobb Salad.  The sprinkle of gouda cheese made it extraordinary.

I've also started moving small things.  I think I'm going to continue to move three more boxes I packed up last night.  They were all pretty easy to pack up because much of that room had been left unpacked all of last year.  Can you believe this?  The spare bedroom in my apartment consisted of boxes that were left unpacked, winter clothes, and a desk I never used.

All year long I kept putting off unpacking that room.  When two dear friends of mine came to visit me in October they were supposed to help me unpack it, but I still refused.  When my mom would come to see me she would attempt to help, but I never wanted her to touch what I had in there.  I became so territorial about this spare bedroom with all of these things that were sentimental to me.  Old cards, college books, old binders filled with work from college, inspiring letters from friends and family, desk items, etc.  I spoke to my good friend Leigh Anne last night and she laughed when I told her I was packing up because all year long I never wanted to touch that room.  She also told me, "I knew you were depressed last year when you didn't want to touch that room, you didn't want to settle in your own space, and that isn't like you."  Her words rang in my ears, she was right, something about leaving that room packed was comforting to me.  Maybe the fact that I could put it all in my car and go at any time.

I know, it's not a good state for a room to be in for a year.
You can spy the three boxes I packed up.  The room looks cleaner now.  

The humorous thing is that when I arrived at my apartment last week with a different state of mind than when I left in May I felt the need to finally unpack that room.  The room haunted me in it's packed state.  I wanted to paint my desk and organize things.  I guess I'll be doing that in my new house :)

I've also began reading my latest book.  I hope you follow with me.  I promise to give a better review of "Tiny Beautiful Things," but not until later tonight.  My latest book is called "20 Something 20 Everything"

The perfect book for all of us avoiding an expectation hangover.  I really like that the book comes with interactive exercises or "homework" to complete as you go.  I really think that in order to get the full outcome of the book you have to do your assignments.  I have already started the exercises and they are great reflections to help understand yourself and why you are the person you have become.  This is awesome for those who don't mind a little therapy/psychology every now and then.  My friend Gladys and I are reading this book together and plan to discuss our answers to our exercise questions weekly or biweekly.  But, if you are a woman in her 40's or 50's I'd love to ask you some questions for my current exercise.  Please leave let me know if you're interested in the comments section and we can exchange e-mails.  

 Today's thought of the day, I guess a house is not a home until you fully unpack.  I have a feeling I will be unpacking at my next house ;)

What are you doing on this lovely Friday?

Are you between the ages of 40 and 60? Can you help me with my next exercise for my book?

Tiny Beautiful LOVE

I know, I know.  I literally just talked about the new books I got less than 24 hours ago.  I cannot help myself here.  I have to share something.

I began reading "Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar" and even though I've only read three letters and their responses each of them is so beautiful they have made me cry.  I have shed tears throughout each of them and the amazing responses of Cheryl Strayed.  Even though this isn't my official review, I will leave you with a little something to convince you to press order on Amazon or that will send you to your nearest book store to follow along with me :)

Here is one of my favorite excerpts so far, and excuse the French:

"Love is a feeling we have for those we deeply care about and hold in high regard.  It can be light as the hug we gave a friend or heavy as the sacrifices we make for our children.  It can be romantic, platonic, familial, fleeting, everlasting, conditional, unconditional, imbued with sorrow, stoked by sex, sullied by abuse, amplified by kindness, twisted by betrayal, deepened by time, darkened by difficulty, leavened by generosity, nourished by humor, and "loaded with promises and commitments" that we may or may not want or keep.  The best thing you can possibly do with your life is to tackle the motherfucking shit out of love."

Love.

Sugar, sugar

There's not time for much since I am writing this from a wedding. The exciting news I have is two new books I cannot wait to review with y'all.

1. Wild by Cheryl Strayed
2. Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed

The first is a memoir and the second is a nonfiction piece based on a collection from the column Dear Sugar from The Rumpus. Both are by the same author and the first is a pick from Oprah's Book Club. I am so excited to read both. I hope you can join me in reading.

Most of all I'm excited to share with you everything I learn. I have a feeling there are some awesome life lessons in both.

Below is me at my dear cousin's wedding. It's been the summer of the mint dress.

How has your Sunday been going?

The mint dress.  Oh, and I'm pretty sure I have a prom picture in this same spot circa 2007

My LOVEly Brain

Excuse the changes currently occurring on my blog.  I'm changing some things around to make it easier to navigate and more aesthetically pleasing as well.  There will be more links at the top in a couple of days.  Not all the links are ready yet, so please bear with me.  I'll be working on FAQ, About Me, etc. so that it can be ready soon enough.

For now, let's talk about the brain.  Ah yes, that beautiful piece of grey matter that fills our skull.  I love learning about the human brain, I can geek out about it at any given moment.  My favorite class in college was a learning and cognition class that focused on the human brain.   I now have a guilty pleasure for buying books and reading articles in my spare time on the noggin'.  Two books that I must recommend to y'all are the following:

These are absolutely fascinating and are written in a non-textbook format, so you won't feel like you are reading for class or anything.  I love that they are organized into chapters such as: the teenage brain, the daddy brain, the mommy brain, etc.  There are no crazy terms in there (well, maybe some) and Dr. Brizendine does an awesome job explaining things.

So why all this talk about the brain you ask?  I was thinking about how well I've been doing since my breakup and it made me ask myself, "Why? Should't I be feeling different? Worse, perhaps?" I don't think anything is wrong with me, and believe me, I am extremely thankful for being a great place in my life right now.  All of these questions and feelings are what brought my attention to love and the human brain.  You see, according to my previous knowledge there are three main types of love:

1. Eros Love - also known as erotic love.  These are those crazy, love-at-first-sight, honey moon stage, hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, so call me maybe-love.  It is said that this isn't true love, and unless you get through hardships and sacrifices then it can be long-lasting.  It is completely natural to begin a relationship with Eros.  
2.  Philios Love - is the friends before relationship kind of love.  These relationships tend to last longer because of the strong bond you have already established prior to the romance.  There is a definite give and take expectation with Philios love.  
3. Agape Love - the ideal love, it is unconditional love.  Agape love is completely selfless, one can be hurt or insulted and still love at the end.  With Agape you love another without seeking anything in return and it is said to be completely spiritual.  

If asked I would say that with my last relationship there wasn't an Eros feeling on my behalf, and to be truthful I don't think I ever had it.  I wouldn't say this is necessarily a bad thing, but rather love grew from a friendship and from qualities that I found extremely attractive in this person.  I think that my brain wanted the Philios love, but got confused when this boy decided to skip the friend zone and immediately show physical signs of attraction to me.  So, even though I didn't have Eros, but there was a friendship prior to our relationship we ended up somewhere in a limbo between love types 1 and 2.  

Here is where things shifted.  At the start of our relationship I would say that we were both in a "give and take" stage, and to a certain extent we do expect something in return from our romantic partner.  Otherwise we become emotionally exhausted and lose a sense of our worth.  If I do this, then I expect this.  We were definitely in this stage for awhile, but had different interpretations for "doing" (cue the love languages), but that is for another time my friends.  It wasn't until about a year into our relationship that I consciously began to change, I didn't want to lose this person that I had grown to love.  I wanted to love him the very best that I could.  I think this is when I slowly transitioned into the Agape stage.  I must say that prior to this, he had already started his journey towards this selfless love, but began to refrain from it when it became emotionally exhausting for him.  

I began to dedicate so much of myself to bettering the way that I loved him.  Would this make him happy?  If I do this will I hurt his feelings?  I should go do this for him, but I don't expect him to do the same for me anymore.  Parts of this were healthy, and I was truly trying to love as best as I knew how with every particle of my being...until it wasn't anymore.  It became about giving so much of myself, and loving despite pain and suffering.  You could see how this could be healthy, if it was a two-way street.  I was on a one-way road at this point, with faded street signs and pot holes everywhere.  He was in Philios and I was in Agape (or attempting to).  

No one is a victim here, especially not me, and I really hope that is not how this reflection comes across.  I am simply analyzing what I learn as I process through this break up.  In a recent study (source) it was found that the same part of the brain is activated when you experience rejection from love and when you are physically burned.  When you experience heart break you are burned emotionally, isn't that fascinating?  It is also said in this study that feelings of romantic love and rejection are associated with biology.  In other words, there is a link between love and the biological need to pass on our genes.  Our brains do crazy things, such as causing extreme emotional pain when experiencing rejection from a person we may have identified as a potential mate.  

In a nutshell: love is truly complicated.  

After analyzing and over analyzing my relationship in the past couple of paragraphs, the best thing I can say to move forward is this: 

While I truly felt love for this person and had feelings of being "in love," biology may be preventing my brain from experiencing extreme emotional pain and it may just be my biological needs whispering "get over it!" to my brain.  

"A Stolen Life" Stole My Heart

Guess what? I already read "A Stolen Life" cover to cover! Can you believe it?  I didn't stay up too late last night, but I am a little tired as I write this.  The book was just so interesting that I couldn't put it down.  I think part of it is due to the fact that it is a memoir and these things written really did happen to this poor girl.

Jaycee Dugard was kidnapped at the age of eleven and was held captive for eighteen years.

I love the approach that this book takes.  You feel as if you are reading Jaycee's journals in a way.  She writes her story as she remembers it and in between are short reflections that you get to experience about the memory she is writing about.  There are a lot of pictures throughout the book as well, pictures of where she was held captive, journals she wrote, and of herself as a kid.

Can you imagine leaving everything you've ever known at the age of eleven? Spending more time with your kidnappers than with your own family? Jaycee writes this story as a part of her therapy.  What I find extremely admirable is how strong Jaycee appears to be.  Never once does she come from a place of anger or resentment.

It is an absolutely incredible story to read, a true miracle that she remained alive.  It makes me wonder how many girls like Jaycee do not make it back to their families.  Jaycee probably wouldn't have if it wasn't for what happened to her at the end.  When kidnapped at such a young age one becomes dependent on their captors, for this is your means of survival.  You begin to look forward to the human contact with them and they become all you know.  I feel like with Jaycee, her captivity produced a Stockholm effect in ways that took her as far as protecting the two people who stole her life.

This story is not for the faint of heart, it is difficult to read at times, but I strongly recommend it for anyone who is looking to just care. 


Have you read "A Stolen Life"? 
What is your favorite memoir?

"Everybody but me"

Anxiety, it's getting to me.  I'm not ready for the summer to be over, but I think it's officially time that I begin planning for the next school year.  I really want the next month to go by extra slow.  First of all, I'm not sure what classes I'm teaching.  Maybe Spanish I, maybe Spanish II, maybe both.  All I know is that my school is officially changing to a Block schedule, so I will only have three classes and one off period.  For my foreign readers, the traditional American schedule would've been a total of around 6 different classes and one off period.  School will begin earlier at around 7:30am but we will release at 2:35pm (HALLELUJAH).  I'm sure there are perks to only have three classes in a day, but my biggest concern is teaching for more than an hour and keeping those high school students on task.  I have got to plan effectively, especially since their class will only be a semester course and not a full year course anymore.  I have to be better than I was last year, and I have to make sure my behavior management is excellent.  I hope to have an official update on what my schedule will look like by midweek so that I can begin my planning.  At least through the first unit would be AWESOME!
Any other stressed teachers out there?! 
Suggestions?
I hope you enjoyed reading about some of my favorite brews here and here, but better yet I hope you had a cold one in my honor this weekend.  I'm craving a Lazy Magnolia Summer Pecan and am hoping to find one in the Lone Star state soon!

I am starting a new book soon (like as-soon-as-I-am-done-blogging-soon) called "A Stolen Life" by Jaycee Dugard.  It's a memoir, I go through phases with books.  Sometimes young adult fiction, nonfiction, psychology related books, new fiction, old fiction, classics.  I'm going through a memoir phase, I like knowing that they are true stories about real people.  I read "The Glass Castle" by Jeannette Walls last month, such a good read.  It's about how she and her siblings lived most of their young lives in poverty and their journey about how they got themselves out of it.  "A Stolen Life" is about Jaycee's experience after she was kidnapped.  It's supposed to be very raw and powerful to read.  I am looking forward to it so definitely expect a post-read review.

Jaycee Dugard was kidnapped at the age of eleven.  This is her story about her powerful experience.

Best part of my Sunday though? Having a tiny cup of ice-cream.  I'm not a huge ice-cream fan, I prefer frozen yogurt or a savory treat almost any day.  But sometimes, only sometimes do I get a mega jones-craving for ice-cream.  The good stuff.  Like Marble Slab Birthday Cake ice-cream with sprinkles on top.  Sprinkles rock, okay? They are all about presentation, and to me they present my ice-cream in a beautiful please-eat-me-now sort of way.

Birthday Cake ice-cream with colored sprinkles 

Remember how I told you that I'd let ya know if this was a good song? Well I finally had a good listen and decided I really like it.  I will usually listen to the song once, find it alright, and then go look up the lyrics and decide whether it is better than alright.  I heard it, read the lyrics, heard it a second time and decided it was definitely better than alright.  Really love this verse:

Everybody want safety (safety love)
Everybody want comfort (comfort love)
Everybody want certain (certain love)
Everybody but me

Goes to show us how important it is to step out of your comfort zone and just "dance".  I love how beautiful the video is. So much talent is shared with the viewers of this video, but my favorite is the final scene with the New York City Ballet, being a former dancer myself I am a bit biased :)
I hope you enjoy watching the video below!

 How was your Sunday? 
Got any memoir recommendations?