Monday, June 18, 2012

Recap: Summer 2012

This summer is one of change.   It's in the air, I can feel it and I can almost smell it.  I am writing about my process of becoming as I figure things out in my twenties.  This is the summer I will turn twenty-three.  This is my first summer out of college.  My first summer earning a real income .  A lot is different already, my summer began embracing change immediately.  

My boyfriend of my first real relationship since high school broke up with me approximately three days into my summer vacation.  It had been about a year and half and when you begin to seriously date someone for that long you begin to build your life around them.  The decisions you make for your future like whether you will see your family or your boyfriend for your next break (we were long distance btw).  Whether to apply to graduate school, and if so whether there would be a program in Austin where I could be with him? Will I change my religion?  Something that has been such an important part of me as a woman of God.  My religion became really true to me in college and I was always a faithful catholic and felt sure of myself within the catholic church.  

This relationship opened up the question of a new religious denomination.  This was a no brainer at the start and my answer, "ABSOLUTELY NOT HAPPENING."  There were no doubts, not one hesitation about ever changing.  It's funny what love can do to you as you begin to love someone so much that you begin to change yourself.  I began to consider a change in my religion for someone else, I know that if it happened it was because I was going to marry him.  I'm still unsure of this is acceptable if it is in the name of love.  But some changes were learning experiences for which I am humbled and grateful for.  I became more selfless and learned how to work incredibly hard to understand someone else.  I worked hard to get through the hard times we faced.  I kept wanting to improve who I was and if there was something that I was doing wrong or if I wasn't being a considerate enough person then I wanted to change.  

To this person: I am so, so thankful for all I have learned about myself and about what it means to love somebody else. I can safely say that I loved as best as I knew how and know that I can bring my becomings to a new relationship.  I do feel broken.  As anyone who goes through a break up does, especially when you began to think they were your forever and always.  As broken as I am though, I am also free.  I feel no anger or bitterness inside me.  I feel so much love in my heart and I feel truly hopeful.  I'm not sure what these feelings mean yet, but I will figure it out.  You move on, you move forward, you learn, and you give thanks because regrets are nonexistent when it comes to love.  

I leave you with an incredible song by Dave Matthews Band.  Listen to the lyrics if you can.

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