Monday, June 25, 2012

Good Grief

Grief is not only for those who have passed.  When going through a break up, you are prone to the stages of grief.  It has almost been a month since my break up and I will say that things are fairly good.  I feel great, I am happier, and I'd say that I am moving through the stages of grief pretty quickly.  I think this is partly because I spent about a month prior to our official break up going through the first two stages.  Let's go through the stages for those of you who are not familiar with the grieving process.

1. Shock & Denial
2. Anger
3. Deal Making
4. Sadness
5. Acceptance

I'm not really an angry person, I don't like the energy it sucks out of me.  If I need to feel angry I will and I know how to recognize anger and deal with it in a healthy manner without attempting to seek "revenge" or "get back" at someone.  I have found that it doesn't make me feel better to "get even."  In fact, I feel worse.  It takes too much emotional strength and I'd rather just move on and be happy.  Anger was a stage that I didn't spend too much time in.  I was angry, I recognized it, but I decided to be happy instead.  Therefore, I quickly moseyed on to stage three, Deal Making.

It is said that in the Deal Making stage you literally make a deal with yourself or with a higher power (God) to become a better person/partner in your relationship and love better.  Most recently I remember feeling and even overanalyzing whether I loved the absolute best that I could.  Asking myself whether I should've been there in A., B., or C. situations.  Focusing on the bad, ugly, and worst about myself.  I began to pray to God and tell him to help me to become a better version of myself.  I asked for patience and understanding and to learn to love better.  The truth is, I loved the very best that I knew how to, and by wondering if I loved him "enough" I was negative self-talking and blaming myself for the loss.  I'll admit that I will begin having these thoughts every now and then still and I have to shake myself out of it, replace it with a happy thought and move forward.  It's difficult because I loved with everything I had and lost.  I have made a deal, but not to love better in that relationship, but to love myself better.

I would say that I am currently in the Sadness and Acceptance stages.  Could I possibly be between the two of them?  It all seems a bit quick.  You can't exactly set a time for each stage and everyone is different.  I do find myself accepting the loss more and more every day, and I look forward to a friendship coming out of it at some point.  After all, we always wanted that.  But I have moments when I can't help but stop and think about it.  These moments are sporadic and they can happen anywhere.  For example, today I was walking into Cheddar's and this song by Martina McBride was playing in the background.  A lump grew in my throat, I excused myself from the table and I inevitably shed a couple of tears.  It was the line "this one's for the girls who have loved without holding back" that for some reason got to me.  I feel silly even saying it.  Such a random thing to bring this feeling isn't it?  I still have moments like that though.  It's not so much about missing the relationship itself, but about all of the energy that was put into it I think.  I've accepted that we were not the right people for each other and that it will no longer exist.

I will leave you all with one last thing.  Below is a picture of my current nails.  There is this new nail polish trend taking the world over by storm.  Alright, I don't know if that's actually true, but it is pretty trendy.  Rather than having uniform nails (which I love) you paint your ring fingers a different color or accentuate it with sparkle, a design, etc.  I made the decision to step out of my comfort zone and try this out with a new minty polish I invested in.  the Combination you see is Essie's Absolutely Shore and Haute as Hello (the coral).

Yay or nay on the new nail polish trend? How long did it take you to get over your last relationship?


  1. I vote YAY on the polish trend. As you very well know, I'm a fan of the alternating colors on every other nail as well. Sic 'Em for the Green and Gold over Homecoming! :]
    As for my last relationship, it took me nearly 3 months to finally let it all go. Thankfully, there was a wonderful man waiting in the wings with some super glue and all the broken pieces of my heart...well, all the pieces he could find, anyway.

  2. thanks for your honesty/vulnerability. you're so sweet and honest, i love reading your writing.

  3. Liz, Glad to see we are reading this the same day.. I Love you Laura and I love the Blog

  4. Thanks so much for the support ladies. It really does mean a lot to me.
    Love you too Mary!