Unpacking // Nostalgia

I have always hated unpacking, okay who really likes doing this awful chore anyway (don't answer that)?  But really, I am the person who will literally take weeks before unpacking a suitcase.  Now, packing, I'm quite a champ at, but when it comes to unloading suitcases I need to be forced after three weeks of it sitting (just ask my roommates).  I have attempted to get into the habit of immediately unpacking within thirty minutes of arriving so that I am not putting it off like the slacker I am. Has not been entirely successful yet.

My procrastination when it comes to unpacking is probably why it did not surprise me one bit when I also put off to metaphorically unpack the emotions in my life.  If I reflect back on the past two years, a LOT has happened.  I am a completely different me than I was May of 2011.  One of my best friends pointed out to me that it's that time, time to unpack, partly because new chapters are unfolding in my life, risks are being taken, and he deserves someone who travels light.  Someone who has washed the crinkled up clothes that have been sitting there for entirely too long, maybe even throw some out because they have gone out of style.

So, here I am as I unpack the past two years of my life, with vulnerability and no hesitations.

Currently - I am relaxing at home, in the Rio Grande Valley, spending time with my family.  It is absolute bliss not having a care in the world (well, sort of).  I am taking time for myself, recharging, appreciating myself.  Current schedule: wake up, read, run errands (if any), gym, read, eat, repeat.  No regrets because I know it will be busy, busy, busy come August when school starts for me.

Louisiana - you can read more about my feelings about teaching here, but my time in Louisiana ended up being a true blessing.  I have a little cajun in my soul and I would not change the past two years of my life for anything.

Mon sha - the current man in my life.  He was unexpected, like I met you once and mindlessly flirted landing my friends and I with a little something extra.  As in, I went out with you thinking it would be a one time thing, a one week thing, a just-til-I-leave-in-May thing.  I am not sure about a lot of things with him, but he makes sense right now.  We are completely different, he likes black, I like white.  He prefers classic rock and roll to my favorite Jason Aldean country song.  I drink beer, he drinks....something else (ha!).  He is nothing like anyone I have ever met in Louisiana, and that might be my favorite part.  He's loyal, and kind, he's respectful, and means what he says.  He has strong opinions, but is always willing to listen to the opinion of others.  We are learning about each other, and I will keep y'all posted on how the test goes.

May 2011 - May 2012 - this was byfar the most difficult period in my life early twenties.  I not only transitioned out of college and into the "real world", which was extremely scary, but I also moved to a new state and started one of the most difficult and underrated jobs someone can have in our country.  I was dating someone pretty seriously at the time.  Let me define "pretty serious", I thought that we would be engaged by December 2013 and Married by the end of 2014 (wtf?! GTFO?! I know....).  Anyway, this person, although I was in love at the time, added a lot of good things to my life and I learned many things.  Among many things he taught me patience, to listen, to be selfless, and overall more sensitive to the needs of others.  However, instead of growing into a person I loved, sadly I closed off to others, especially my best friends.  Instead of becoming a better version of myself I began asking myself what I did wrong and how I could better myself for him, because he never made me feel good enough.  Frankly, I was never that attracted to him physically (but still blinded by love), though he was to me.  I could never "give" him what he needed, and though I tried and tried and tried, it never appeared to be enough.  I gave, and gave, and gave, and gave, and gave, and really and truly I was drained.  Things about me that were never an issue at the start of the relationship turned into LIFE issues at the end of it.  Instead of giving the selfless support I needed when my life got so tough I almost  quit everything I had worked for and moved back to Texas, he sunk me down.  To this day it overwhelms my chest with anxiety to think of the person I had become.  I was not myself, I was not happy, I was not light and sunny, I felt heavy and drained at the same time.

I went through a period of pure abstinence from men/dating/love, I was enjoying being single and learning to be me by myself and loving who I had always been.  Somehow sometime between Seattle and the beginning of 2013 I learned to become lighter than I've ever been.  I opened up a side of me I never have before.  I did it with my students, so why shouldn't I do it in real life?  Things that used to bother me as much just didn't, I became more vulnerable and open to love and new things.  I told myself I would never again let a relationship get in the way of friendships, I would protect my heart, but without a fear to let others in.  It's a process in the making, just ask my best friends :)

Now, commitment is something I have to work through.  I'm talking long-term commitments.  This is a fear I will talk about next time....

I am emotionally exhausted, as I'm sure you are too if you're still reading this.  Off to paint my nails something other than "Cajun Shrimp" ;)

Tomorrow is Fashion Friday because I slacked on What I Wore Wednesday.

If you've been with me this entire time, have you seen me grow through this blog? 

An Ode to Louisiana

Ma chère Louisiane,

Though I have hated you at times when my life was crumbling, I now cannot seem to get you out of my skin.  You are permanently engrained in me.  Your culture, your accents, your ways.  My two years spent amidst your bayous and swamplands have put a little cajun in my soul.  The start of October will always have a certain ring with the voices of my first students excited for the opening of squirrel season.

Spring Bayou at Twilight

Summer 2011

Louisiane, your food has taught me that I must have been a cajun in a past life.  Cracklin's, etouffees, gumbos, and understanding that rice and gravy is not as literal as it sounds.  Your beer has been good to me, and your seasonal Abita Strawberry makes me as excited as Texas' Shiner Cheer at Christmas time.   Your love for a good time has given new meaning to parades and festivals, for you like to throw one for any and EVERY occasion.

I will miss the ability to purchase hard liquor at my local convenience store, though I never found the need for it, I liked knowing it was a possibility.  Or purchasing an adult slushy (aka: daiquiri) after a hard day, and never being carded at bars though we both know I look twelve.

The love obsession for college football, like I've never seen before.  The start of Mardi Gras season and days off from work to assure a time well spent.  I will miss these things.  Zydeco, and it's reminders of home with the accordion and traditional dance.

The cajun french, I fell in love, mostly because I could understand.  Maybe it was my background in Spanish, or my background in French, either way I was connected.  From catin (not a prostitute in Louisiane), to couillon for fools, or referring to kitty cats as minou minou's.  Fais do do to bed, canaille,   de's instead of the's and ax instead of ask, chiren for the kids, coo! when excited, IF! to affirm something,

Louisiane, I will miss your lack of prepositions, your questions sounding like statements, and as many Brouillettes, Couvillions, Gauthiers, Gaspards, Thibodeauxs, Lemoines, DeSotos, Dauzats, Dauzarts as there are Smiths, Jacksons, Johnsons, Garcias, or Rodriguez.

But most of all I am going to miss the people who have touched my soul.  To every student I had the honor of teaching, I am sorry I was not always the best, but I am grateful for the opportunity to teach you.  I am thankful for the opportunity to help shape you into a better version of yourself.  I am sorry if I you caught me in a frustrated state or if you were never told how much I cared.  I am going to miss those who made Louisiana welcoming, perfect, and a place I will always call my home.

Let the good times roll, but do it slowly.

This is not auvoir it is à plus tard.  You are my second home, you have a piece of my heart, and I'll be seeing you.

Cheers to good things that are going to happen...

Checking in

Remember my mantra?

Now that we are one third of the way through 2013 (eek!) I think it's a perfect time to check in with my goals for the year.  

Let's take a look back at what I said here.

Personal Goals

• Go on a blind date
• Ask someone out on a date, because who says I can't go after what I want?
• Find a more unified theme for my blog, and increase my viewing audience
• Go on at least four brewery tours by the end of the year
• Ride a hot air balloon
• Send birthday packages/care packages/cards to show I love my family and friends 
• Buy all Christmas gifts by the end of November
• Send out Christmas cards by the first week of December
• Make a habit out of reading CNN, just like I read blogs/social media sites
• Every time I open social media I have to open CNN or another news source
• Minimizing all meat intake to once a week I've done a great job doing this so far
• Go ALL OUT for holidays (Valentine's, St. Patrick's Day, Easter, Fourth of July, Mardi Gras)
• Travel abroad at least once this year 
• Travel to NYC, New Orleans, Dallas (for you, Sarah), Boston, Seattle, and Santa Fe
• Take another road trip across the country
• See more of my best friends (in person)
• Go to at least one concert

Physical Goals

• Continue to improve my yoga practice, and master at least two more headstands, including variations of dolphin and scorpion
• Join a yoga studio by the end of September 2013
• Join a gym with spinning classes by the end of September 2013 and join
• Find a team sport/ book club (not physical, but still) / beer tasting club or other group the join by October 2013

Professional Goals

• If accepted to a graduate program I want to choose one that will help achieve my long-term professional goals
• Apply to work at Teach For America's Summer Institute to gain professional development and better improve my management skills and leading a group of people towards success. Decided not to apply after all.  
• Give my students a purpose every day for why they are in my classroom, with a goal-driven mindset until they exit in May 2013
• Mentor at minimum two more students individually on their life goals
• Set up a field trip for my Spanish I & Spanish II students by end of March 2013
• Make sure I am always doing something to work for social justice, whether that is volunteering somewhere new, helping individuals, or donating to a cause.

Not bad, huh? Lots has been happening since the last time I graced the blog world with my presence.  Let's recap...

• I went home to Texas and spent an incredible amount of time with one of my best friends

Taken in East Austin, Texas

• My favorite blogger has reduced her blogging to once or twice a week 
• I have since then learned that age is just a number.  Just a number. JUST. A. NUMBER.
• Felt.."free like bluebonnets in the summer"

Bluebonnets are the Texas state flower and bloom in the springtime in the Hill Country

• Continued to sit on my porch
• Started reading the book Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg

• Got classier glassier and invested in two pairs of new frames by Warby Parker and Rivet and Sway

The Mantra by Rivet and Sway on top and the Sims frame by Warby Parker on the bottom

• Went to the beach

• Drank some good craft beer 

What are you reading/drinking/enjoying? 

Have you checked in on your New Year's Resolutions?